In 'Da Club
by Firebending Master
Summary: This is a crack-fic about Baraka's evening at a disco club in Outworld, John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever" style.


**A/N: This is my first fan-fic ever. Hell, my first story ever. It's a crack fic, so yeah, the characters are OOC and totally not canon. If those goes well, I'll try to do more. Reviews are welcome and appreciated.  
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**And I want to thank Poe's Daughter for helping me edit my grammar and spelling, and for convincing me to post this. If you haven't already, please check out her stories and give her some love. **

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As the purple lightning flashed in the beautiful scorched sky over Outworld City's night club district, a suave toothy creature walked along the main strip in time to a tune that sounded eerily similar to Earthrealm's "Staying Alive" on his brick-like phone/music player. Dressed in his best baby-blue leisure suit, he strutted along, growling the tune to himself on the way to his favorite night club, "Mokap's Disco Dancing 'Splosion".

Baraka opened the door to the club and stepped inside. The bartender, Kabal, while washing a glass, nodded at him. The Tarkatan walked up to the bar, and grunted.

"What'll it be Smiley?" rasped Kabal.

"Frooot!" snarled Baraka.

"Umm, ok…" said Kabal, looking confused. "I think you'd like one of these, pally."

Kabal threw some strange looking bluish fruit, along with some ice and clear grain alcohol, into a blender and turned it on. After the mixture was blended, the bartender poured the drink, along with what passed as a sort of club soda, if club soda smelled like sulfur and smoked as some spilled onto the counter, into a schooner. For a finishing touch, he added a pink umbrella that melted as soon as it touched the drink. Kabal handed the smoking, fruity concoction to the now-grinning beast.

"Better drink up quick, that schooner won't hold that shit forever, ya know," advised the bartender.

Baraka slurped down the mix. He wiped the copious amount of liquid now flowing from his malformed, toothy mouth, onto his suit sleeve. Holes burned in the polyester fabric. He then took in the room and the various people in the club. Shao Kahn was jiggling his sweaty, muscular chest at the giggling, veiled Mileena; Sektor and Cyrax were cuddling in a corner booth while gently stroking each other's wire dreadlocks; Quan Chi and Shang Tsung were huddled over a table, earnestly debating about what Earthrealm Scotsmen really wear under their kilts; Johnny Cage, with his "I wear my sunglasses at night" form fitting t-shirt, was dancing under the disco ball while Sonya Blade was twerking in front of him in her Special Forces Daisy Dukes and a ring pop in her mouth; Scorpion, while constantly shouting "GET OVER HERE!" was slap-boxing Sub-Zero while Raiden, Kung Lao, Liu Kang, and Ermac were taking bets and smoking cigars; Stryker was refereeing the match between them while Goro, the bouncer, was angrily staring at every one else in the club; and Kintaro lustfully grinned at Sheeva, winked, and blew her a kiss as he said "Hey, baby, if I followed you home would you keep me? I'm litter box trained!" Sheeva promptly slapped him with her two right hands and threw her drinks in his face.

Baraka tripped over a chair and fell over a table on his way to his favorite seat when his eyes met hers. There she was, wearing an aquamarine bikini top and bell bottom pants. He tried to get up but slipped on the newly formed drool puddle on the floor. Kitana ran over to help the clumsy creature up.

"Oh, poor baby, are you okay?" she asked.

"Perrrty!" he growled, as he reached out to the woman.

Kitana took his hand in hers and helped the beast off the floor only to slip on the same puddle of drool and fall on top of Baraka.

"Mmmmf," was the muffled sound that came from Baraka while his head was wedged between Kitana's breasts. He impulsively shook his head and made a motorboat noise.

"Oh, my gods!" screeched Kitana as she backed away.

"Lady, fall for me!" snarled Baraka.

"What the hell, I'm bleeding you asshole!"

"Sorry, perrrty lady, was accident," he said as he finally stood up.

He extended his hand to help Kitana up, and she angrily slapped it away while scoffing. "I can get up myself, thank you!" she yelled.

"No mean to hurt perrrty lady."

"Yeah, well, you motorboated my chest, and you cut me with those…those horrible teeth. Please tell me you brush them? I don't want to get idiot rabies."

"Ur, sometimes lady," he said as he lowered his head like a whipped dog.

"You should get me a drink or something," Kitana said as she noticed his posture.

Baraka perked up and snarled "Baraka buy perrrty lady drink. Lady come!"

Baraka again offered his hand to Kitana and she grudgingly took it and went with the monster.

"Oh ho, Smiley, looks like you got a friend," Kabal said to Baraka and Kitana as they approached the bar. Kitana rolled her eyes at the bartender and sat down on the stool at the bar.

Baraka slammed his fist down on the counter and snarled, "Crispy man, get lady frooot, lady want drink!"

"Okay, calm down there pally, no need to get your Tarkatan panties in a twist. You sure the little lady can handle one of those, buddy?" said Kabal while raising his hands and making a comforting motion towards the now grumpy looking Baraka.

"What the hell?" Kitana screeched. "You trying to say, you Darth Vader looking motherfucker, that you think because I'm a 'poor little woman,' I can't handle a drink?"

"Whoa, easy princess! Hell, the more you drink, the better this dude will look. And I can even throw in a Midol for ya," winked the bartender.

"Just get me the stupid drink!" she said.

But then a look of terror came over Kitana's face when she saw the smoking drink and carefully took it from the bartender. "What the hell is this?" she nervously asked.

"Frooot good, lady drink up or cup melt." Baraka said with a mirthful grin.

"Did you just say melt? Holy shit!" Kitana exclaimed.

"Yeah, princess, drink up quick. It's my own creation." Kabal beamed. "I call it a Fruity Nuclear Meltdown."

"Okay, here goes nothing," she said as she started to chug the noxious drink.

"Finish it!" yelled Shao Kahn from his seat in the back with Mileena still giggling at the sight of him jiggling his pecks.

"Frooot good, huh perrrty lady."

"Gahh, that fuckin' burns going down," she coughed. "But it has good flavor!"

Kabal's mask moved as if he was smiling. "Nice choice Smiley, That'll mellow her out some."

Baraka's already toothy smile became even wider as he adoringly looked at Kitana.

Kitana smiled, looked at the beast, and tried to stand up. She wobbled a little and steadied herself by holding onto the bar.

"What'sh your name ssweetie?" she slurred.

"Baraka," he said.

"Yeesh, that'sh a strong name, let'sh dance," she said still slurring. "That'sh if you can dance, te he he he."

Without a word Baraka leapt off of his barstool, did a spinning move with his arm blades extended, and ended by standing like John Travolta with his finger pointed in the air.

"Ohh, you can dance!" Kitana drunkenly giggled. "Let's party."

Baraka and Kitana made their way to the dance floor, where Sektor and Cyrax were already slow dancing to a song that sounded eerily similar to the Bee Gee's "More Than a Woman." Then a more upbeat song, "Night Fever," began to play as Kitana and Baraka danced on the disco floor. Kitana accidently stumbled into Cyrax, which prompted Sektor to grab her and shove her back towards Baraka.

"Get off my man, bitch" Sektor yelled as he again pushed her.

Baraka caught Kitana, but yet again found himself in an awkward predicament when his hand was misplaced on her butt.

"You asshole!" she yelled at Baraka, and shoved him away from her.

Kitana tried to slap Baraka and he instinctively blocked it, forgetting his arm blade was out, inadvertently slicing her hand clean off. She screamed in pain, and then pulled out her bladed fan with her good hand and swung it at Baraka. Once again, he blocked her shot and sliced off her other hand.

Kitana began screaming and now everyone in the club began making their way towards the action. Baraka picked up both of Kitana's hands and tried to give them back to her, this in turn only made her scream even louder.

"Perrrty lady no want hands back?" Baraka said with a confused expression on his face.

"Get the fuck away from me, you monster!"

"Baraka not monster, lady. Give hands back to her."

Finally tiring of the screaming, Shang Tsung calmly walked over to them. "Finish her," he said as she continued to wail in pain and anger.

Baraka strongly shook his head "no" and backed away from the woman.

"Very well, then," Shang Tsung said with an evil smile. "Your soul is mine," he said as he ripped Kitana's green essence from her physical body.

Baraka, with a sad look, watched her staring back at him with her dilated eyes before she fell dead to the floor. He then made his way back to the bar and said "Need Drink" to the barkeep.

Kabal pulled a bottle of Outworld's strongest alcohol, Everclear, imported from Earthrealm, from the top shelf and then poured the pitiful beast a double shot. Baraka downed it and placed the glass down on the bar.

"One more there, Smiley? It's on the house."

Baraka nodded and Kabal poured another double. The Tarkatan downed the second shot, sighed, paid his tab and quietly walked out of the bar. A single tear rolled down the corner of his eye.

"Poor fella," Bo'Rai'Cho said. "Same thing happens to the guy every week."

"Yup, poor, poor bastard ," Kabal said as he washed another glass.


End file.
